losing control

Recently, I have found myself in a few situations that have been completely out of my control.

1 The LORD is my light and my salvation—
so why should I be afraid?
The LORD is my fortress, protecting me from danger,
so why should I tremble?

Last week dad had a seizure on our back porch.  It came in an instant.  Took over his body.  And he was convulsing out of control.  As I held him, I felt like I had zero control.  I couldn't stop it.  I couldn't make it better.  We just had to get through it.

He ended up going to the hospital and they didn't have any real answers as to why it happened.  But, praise God, he is back home and doing pretty good now. 

2 When evil people come to devour me,
when my enemies and foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.

Praise God that, even when everything seems to be spiraling out of control, He holds it all together.
He has a plan.
In His loving arms we can find rest, affirmation, and healing. 
He will always come to our rescue.  

3 Though a mighty army surrounds me,
my heart will not be afraid.
Even if I am attacked,
I will remain confident.

Our future.
We can do all we want, make all the decisions we can...
but life always turns out differently than we plan, huh?
If we're being honest, our lives are always out of our control.
Anything we think we have control over is usually an illusion.
He is the only one that holds our past, present, and future.

4 The one thing I ask of the LORD—
the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the LORD all the days of my life,
delighting in the LORD’s perfections
and meditating in his Temple.

I found myself wishing I could transport all the people I love to Colorado.
Every single one of them.
We could all live in one town.
We'd be happier than could be.
*sigh*  
But that is out of my control.
Only the LORD determines our times and places.

5 For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
he will hide me in his sanctuary.
He will place me out of reach on a high rock.

In times of trouble, chaos.  When the storms come.

He stands.
He stands.
He stands.

6 Then I will hold my head high
above my enemies who surround me.
At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,
singing and praising the LORD with music.

What a beautiful picture that psam 27 paints.
In all times, when we have no control, He holds it all.
He hides us away in his sanctuary.

In his HOLY sanctuary.
He extends peace to us like a river (Isaiah 66:12).
Just His sweet voice singing over us (Zeph. 3:17).
And in His awesome power, 
He makes us his royal priesthood (1 Peter 2:9).

:)
And so, we are able to stand with Him,
in the midst of losing control,
and worship His Holy, powerful, victorious, wonderful name. 

the high of July

"You will show me the way of life,
granting me the joy of your presence
and the pleasures of living with you forever."
-Psalm  16:11

Wow...I mean...wow.
July flew by.
I took a break from almost all internet for the month and it was amazing.
God blessed me this month more than I could possibly say.
I feel like everything changed.
It was all too wonderful for words.

So, let's do this...
Let's look at some pictures and I'll narrate about the happenings of July:

THE BREMILY WEDDING!
If there was ever a relaxed, blissFULL, fun, God-centered wedding...it would be Brett & Emily's wedding.
From the Bachelorette party, to open house & getting to meet all their friends from OK, to rehearsal dinner, and a beautiful wedding day.
I feel so so blessed to have gotten to spend time with all my family AND meet so many awesome people.
Two families.  Now one.
And it feels so goooooood :)

4th of JULY:
Brett + Emily were in MX but the rest of us were able to relax for a lovely holiday together.
We broke out the groomsman's gifts for some backyard knife throwing,
ate food from the barbie, and just enjoyed the junk out of being together.

"I am praying to you because I know you will answer, o God.

Bend down and listen as I pray.

Show me your unfailing love in wonderful ways.

By your mighty power you rescue those

who seek refuge from their enemies.

Guard me as you would guard your own eyes.

Hide me in the shadow of your wings."

-Psalm 17: 6-8

SHOOTING:

Blake, Brice, Kylie and I went shooting with my brotha from anotha motha: Terren.

Have I mentioned that I love shooting guns? haha well, this love seems to grow every time I go.

OKlahoma:
I road tripped back to Oklahoma with my newest sissy in law: Emily!
We only stopped talking when we were belting out Rihanna & having a dance party.
Truly moments I will remember and cherish forever.  I love that girl!
Once in town, I ended up spending a few extra days and exploring OK with Brett's friend, Kent!
We seriously did everything.  It. Was. AMAZING!
Everything from shooting, building fires, 4 wheeling, and cherry eating to staying at a lake house, exploring a monastery, meeting a bunch of new people, and seeing all kinds of red-necks.
Couldn't have asked for a better weekend.  Such a blessing!

NYR:

So then came my annual trip to the lovely Roundup Ranch...

Awesome camp (as always).  God spoke, hearts were changed, and we praised God in the valley.

Praise God!  Bryan got baptized, we hiked, I cooked, and God blessed it all.

CAMPIN':
Went camping for the day with Brady, Tirza, Brice, Harrison & Ollie!
Minturn, CO is where we ended up.  Awesome camp site all to ourselves,
cute town, explored a super old cemetery, hiked in Holy Cross Wilderness (most gorgeous hike I've EVER been on), and our camp stove exploded on us!
Haha it was such a great little get away.  Love my family :)

oooh baby, last but not least:

Mount Elbert: 

Irene and I had been wanting to do a moonlight 14er for quite a while.

So, we got together, convinced some guys to come with us and started up the mountain at midnight!

We hiked almost the whole way by moonlight (God's flashlight).

Ended up hiking around 20 miles for 12 straight hours with no sleep.  

It was BY FAR the most physically exhausting thing I've ever done.

BUT, we did it (thanks to GOD), the sunrise was gorgeous,

we made an awesome pancake bfast at the top,

and I'm pretty proud to have hiked the highest mountain in CO :)

eat up, fill up!

"Then the angel of the LORD came again and touched him and said, 

'Get up and eat some more, 

or the journey ahead will be too much for you.' "

- 1 Kings 19:7

I was reading in first Kings the other night and that scripture really stood out to me.  

God wants us to get up and eat.  To eat that spiritual food that fills your soul.

Get up, fill up, and you'll be able to get through the journey that's ahead. 

That could mean reading your Bible, it could mean resting with God, or simply spending more time in prayer.  

I don't know.  It could be different for each person's needs.

But errbody needs to fill up!

If you feel like you're runnin' on empty, let the Spirit lead you, convict you, move you, and fill you.

Dad finished up his last radiation treatment this week (!!).  It for sure hasn't been the easiest journey but we got through.  He no longer has hair, still feels super sick some days, has foggy thinking, and his left leg/arm are still not functioning right.  They haven't done a CAT scan to see if the tumor has shrunk but I'm not sure dad wants to do it anyways.  Regardless of the results, the doctors said they would have nothing else to do (you can only radiate someone so much).  And dad says he, "Hates getting in that tube!"  So, for now he is taking some supplements that have been said to cure cancer and trying to recover from the radiation.

I hiked four 14,000 foot mountains in two weekends!  So crazy!  Two each Saturday.  

Talk about amaaaaaazing!

I love me muh Colorado mountains.

To see da peeksures, you can look on my photography blogdiggity:

CLICK HERE!

Speaking of Colorado, please, please, PLEAAASE keep those beautiful mountains and all the people being affected by the fires in your prayers.  

We desperately need rain and NO wind!

Also, can I just say...this song is truly amazing?!

It just hits my spot...

Here is my main man and I on Father's Day:

I AM

"Therefore, behold, I will allure her,

and bring her into the wilderness, 

and speak tenderly to her."

(Hosea 2:14)

And that's exactly what God did this weekend.

He pulled me away to the mountains and spoke words of love over me.  

I went up with some friends and their family.  We...

-camped

-hiked

-slept under the stars

-fished

-shot guns

-played games around the campfire

-laughed (I mostly snorted) 

-swam in the river

-skipped rocks

-sang country songs

-played some football

-and held a snake (I was shaking/freaking out the whole time...but I held it! haha)

As I sat on a warm rock, listening to the river play its melody, felt the sun on my face, and slowly reeled in my fishing line, everything seemed right in the world.  Have you ever had one of those moments?  You take a deep breath, soak it all in.  Savor the moment.  And thank God that he, "Leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul" (Psalm 23:3).

Not only so, but I had a few moments like that this weekend.  Resting on the top of a mountain, listening to the wind, feeling the sun warm my skin.  Cocooned in my sleeping bag, cool wind on my face, silence all around, and a sky filled with bright stars. 

The LORD of the universe, the great I AM, allures us.  He takes us by the hand, leads us to the place where our heart is content, and speaks words of peace and love over us.

What more could we ask for?

What more could we be thankful for?

We have a God that loves us.  A God that is living and active. I was reminded on Sunday that our God lives in the present.  Yahweh, the I AM.  He didn't say he is the "I WAS" or "I WILL BE."  He is the I AM.  The here and now.  Working through us, in us, around us at all times.

This song embodies that.  We sang it at church. So incredible.

I love that even in the midst of screwing up or in the middle of chaos, God is still working in our hearts.  Preparing us for what he has in the future.  Making us more like Him.  Couldn't be more thankful.

Dad's first week of brain radiation was a little discouraging.  We haven't seen improvement with his left arm or leg.  He has been very sick and tired all week.  He said it feels like he just had chemo.  We're praying this week, that will change!  

I truly can't thank all of you enough for all the prayers & encouragement.  It is one of the biggest blessings to be surrounded by you all.  I think you deserve an award ;)  So awesome!  But yeah, please continue to pray over dad: for his strength mentally, physically & spiritually. 

Did that just happen?

This weekend has been full of some crazy/unexpected happenings.  None of which were particularly good.  I found myself repeating the verse:


"Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance character; and character hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." - Romans 5:3-5


Progressively, each day dad's left arm and leg were losing function.  On Thursday he went for an MRI of his brain and the next morning we got the news back.  They found that he has a tumor in his brain with a few other spots that they did not identify (but that were abnormal).  Along with that, they found that he has 3 bulging disks in his back.  Needless to say, this news hit everyone in the family like a ton of bricks.  The doctors said he needed to start treatment ASAP.  Today, he got his first full-brain radiation done.  Thankfully, the treatments are short and he only has 10 to do.  He'll be doing one treatment a day (not including the weekends).  The doctors said the ramifications of the treatment could vary but that he should play word games in order to keep his brain working.  Only time will tell how he will react to the radiation.  We are praying that he keeps full function of all parts of his brain, his arm and leg function return and the tumor will not only stop growing, but will go away completely! Thank you SO much for all your continued encouragement & prayers!


I was at a grad party the other night in the middle of a huge storm.  With whipping wind, rain, and crazy thunder and lighting, the party was literally getting blown away.  There was a few tents set up that were soon to be gone with the wind so I was helping to take them down.  I grabbed the final pole to tear it down when lightning struck near us.  The lightning went up the pole and shot up my arm.  All I could do was scream and think, "Did that really just happen!?!"  Yep.  I got struck by lighting.  My arm felt SO weird after that.  For about 15 min or so my arm was really tingly and numb feeling.  As the day progressed, my arm got more and more sore.  My shoulder felt pretty messed up for a few days but other than that, I was okay!  Praise GOD!  I'm so thankful it was not worse than that.  But I mean, seriously...who the heck gets struck by lightning!?  Oh yeah, I DO! haha I would love for that to never happen again.


And so, to top off one of the weirdest weekends of my life:
I was driving to the mountains one day and needed to turn right.  A cyclist was in road in front of me so I went around him then stopped my car so I could try to merge into the on-coming traffic.  Next thing I know, the cyclist came up to my passenger side window and pounded on it with his fist.  BANG BANG BANG!  He repeatedly slammed my window as I saw his lips moving in silent screams.  I sat there in shock trying to say, "What the heck did I do!?!" With my window closed I could not hear what he was yelling but it was evident that he was livid.  He then tried to open my car door and once again slammed my window.  At this point, the car behind me started honking their horn and so, like a kid running from a burning building, a sped down the street.  Thankfully, I got away from the psycho before he could get into my car or damage it.  Down the road, the guy that was behind me during this whole incident pulled up next to me.  He motioned for me to roll down my window.  I had no idea what to do, I thought for sure he was just going to yell at me and tell me I almost killed a guy on a bike.  However, he told me he saw the whole thing, I didn't do anything wrong, the guy was an a** hole, and that he told the guy off!  He told me not to worry about it nor let it ruin my day!  *sigh*  There are good people still in the world!  But, for real!?  I get attacked by a psycho cyclist!?  Apparently he did not like that I passed him in my car.  But thank JESUS my window was up and my door was locked!  I don't even want to think of what would have happened if either of those were open.  Praise God for His protection and for random people standing up for me!


So there ya have it.  That was my emotionally traumatizing weekend for you ;)

color-FULL

"The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. 

My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life."

-Jesus (John 10:10)

Satan's purpose:

--steal.

--kill.

--destroy.

Jesus' purpose:

--rich + satisfying life.

So many times I feel like Satan tries to steal, kill, and destroy our happiness, our hope, and our freedom.

This week, I've been so thankful that God not only combats what Satan does, but he wants to give us a life that is RICH.  A life that is SATISFYING.  He wants us to have a life FULL of happiness, hope, and freedom.  

And on that note, I did the COLOR RUN yesterday!!  The run is said to be "The happiest 5K on earth" and let me tell you...it totally lives up to it's name!  I didn't sleep at all the night before - I was way too excited - it was like Christmas morning.  I ran with a bunch of friends from church.  The proceeds went to Children's Hospital.  While running, with each kilometer we passed, they threw colored corn starch at us.  Each kilometer was a different color and at the end, with colored packets in hand, everyone threw the color at each other! It was just an insane explosion of color and bliss!  I think I was laughing and yelling the entire way (maybe that explains my sore throat haha).  Man, I was just so thankful to be able to run and have some good ole fun!

As for Dad, he hasn't been feeling too horrible lately.  I think the biggest update is that his left arm and leg are not functioning like they should be.  The function in his left hand has become very minimal, making even the most simple tasks almost impossible to complete.  As you could imagine, it would be super frustrating to not be able to use your hand.  It has been really discouraging and frustrating for him.  We are really praying that full function will be restored to his leg, arm, hand, and whole body!  If you could pray that he doesn't feel like his hope and happiness is stolen, killed, or destroyed, that'd be great!  Also, let's pray a rich, satisfying life over him, filled with hope and joy! 

before the run : all clean! 

some of the runnin' friends 

10,000 people! 

finish line! 

These were used to help the painters at the house.  So awesome!

*sigh* someday...

Summer: tanning + reading + roof 

  

Ya, blessings

As they say in Spanish, "¡YA!"


It's finished.
My Junior year of college has come to an end.


I know I always say this but seriously...where is time going?!
These past few weeks have been utter chaos.
At the beginning of this semester I never thought I'd make it through:


1. A night class (on my sketchville campus) or
2. Survive a Friday morning class


But, huzzah!  The finish line was finally crossed on Friday afternoon and I was once again amazed by God.  Truly, it's a miracle!  There were many a times I felt like I wasn't going to make it through the semester.  The final two weeks of school were a real test of patience, sanity, and trust.  I can't even say how thankful I am that I can not only take off that load of books from my back, but also that stress can come off my shoulders.  PRAISE THE LORD FOR SUMMER BREAK!  It still feels unreal I'm really done.


My little SIL (sis-in-law), Tirza and I went to Oklahoma last weekend for my broha and his fiancé's wedding showers.  Their wedding is going to be so stinking amazing, fun and adorable.  Can't wait!  It was so great being able to get on a plane and visit them.  It was the first time since Panama that Tirz and I flew together.  Great times were had, many random people were met, and it was so great seeing the fam!  It kinda stinks though...just makes me wish, all the more, that we all lived close.  Maybe someday ;)


So...it's no real secret that running has become my greatest outlet for stress, right?  Well, it's true.  A good, long run could improve even the worst day.  MMmm yeah, well, after my little hamstring decided it no longer liked me running on it, I broke down and had to get new running shoes.  Because of numerous happenings, I was running-shoe-less for a little over two weeks.  And that is what I truly consider torture.  I thought I was going to go insane.  But, in all honesty, I think it was good for me.  Taught me a little patience, and I found there were other things I could be spending time on.  But man, when that package showed up on my doorstep I screamed and jumped with excitement, ripped the box open, and ran out the door with them (while singing "I'm Walking on Sunshine") hahaha.  So thankful for just the blessing of good shoes.  I don't want to take things like that for granted.  So many go shoeless everyday.  Puts some things in perspective, huh?


Speaking of blessings...last Saturday night I went to see THE FRAY at Red Rocks!!  I was blessed with a free ticket to the most epic night/concert of my life.  No joke, my mind was blown.  To sum it up: there was rain + fog + awesome people + city lights + awesome music + hilarious people watching + beautiful mountains.  Oh yeah, AND.....I TOUCHED the lead singer of The Fray! Hahahhaha yep, that's right!  He ran down the row in front of me!  I usually don't get real excited about "famous people" but I'm pretty proud.  Not everyone can say that, so I'm pretty pumped. hahaha it was just the cherry on top of an incredible night.  It was basically perfect.


Over the past few weeks dad did quite a few chemo treatments.  This left him feeling pretty horrid.  There were a few days he was unable to get out of bed because he was so weak and sick.  Thankfully, he is feeling a little better now.  He has been having trouble using his left hand/arm lately.  They are going to try and figure out what may be causing that.  But for now, prayers for patience & healing would be wonderful! Thanks!


The Martin household is still utter chaos.  Demo was fun for the first two days, I think.  After that, it just became insane and inconvenient.  The who main level is filled with sawdust and ripped apart rooms.  Not gonna lie, I can't wait for this to be done.  But it is fun to come home everyday and know it won't be the same as when I left in the morning.  Can't wait to see the final product!


Anyways, I hope you all are counting your blessings.
Life is too short to take things for granted.


Happy Mother's Day & Happy Summer!!

reno!

The Fray!!!

My new babies

a girl kickin' her heals off for Summer

looove Red Rocks!